Tuesday, June 25, 2013

An Open Letter to the Office Candy Bowl

Dear Mr. Candy Bowl,

I would like for you to state your true purpose for being in the office lobby {which is inconveniently located next to my office.} I ask this because I am often confused by your role in this company. Is it to taunt me and pressure me into eating chocolate? To make me crave candy that I would not eat if it wasn't for your presence? Is it to secretly make me gain weight? Or are you really just trying to be nice and provide me a pick me up on a bad day?


Can't you see his beady little eyes willing me to come closer?

No matter what, I'm over it. I don't care if your motives are good or bad. If I could, I would fire you. A lot of days I'm really good at avoiding you. No eye contact. Take different routes around the building. Sprint past the front desk. You know, the usual. But there are other times...or a specific week of the month...in which I cannot resist your chocolatey goodness! After careful consideration, I have decided that this is not okay and you should be let go. Unfortunately, this is not my decision to make and there are far too many people that appreciate your role here.

That being said, I'm thinking of petitioning for a new company role. Since the role "Candy Bowl" is filled, I'm thinking we could use a sister role such as "Fruit Basket" or "Veggie Tray." I'm not too sure how that will go down, but I'm digging it.


Pure Evil


Until then Mr. Candy Bowl, we're in a fight. Your interfering with my bikini body and even though you taste oh so good, you make me feel like crap later.

Now it's time to get to work and attempt to ignore you all day long.


Until next time...
With love and God bless,

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